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Exclusive: Government advice tells Bulgarians and Romanians why they should stay home

Romanians and Bulgarians will be entitled to come to Britain and work at the end of this year because they are citizens of a European Union member state. However, the ConDem government is working on a publicity campaign to dissuade them from leaving for our sunny shores.

The government’s advertising agency, Snaatchi and Snaatchi, has prepared a list of reasons why Britain is not the place to come to if you are a Bulgarian or Rumanian. The reasons could just as easily apply to anyone else who is thinking about settling in Britain.

Advice from HM Government, London, January 2013

  1. Britain is in the middle of a severe austerity programme. The standard of living is falling rapidly and dramatically. You’d be better off at home.
  2. If you intend to use local services, you may discover that these no longer exist. This especially applies to libraries and day centres.
  3. Many people have two or even three part-time, low-paid jobs in an effort to make ends meet. So be prepared to do without sleep.
  4. Lots of health care provision is being outsourced or privatised. So if you’re coming for medical reasons, forget it.
  5. Many British politicians hate foreigners of all kinds. Many are members of the ruling Tory Party. Ukip, in particular, encourages an intense dislike of anyone from the EU.
  6. Britain is thinking of leaving the EU so you could be stranded here with no rights whatsoever or even be thrown out of the country.
  7. A special warning to any Roma people of Bulgaria and Romania: the authorities, including the police and local councils, will not take kindly to your presence in their neighbourhoods.
  8. If you are slightly foreign looking, there is a strong chance that our police will stop and search you under our anti-terror laws.
  9. Housing in Britain is the most expensive in Europe and the government is cutting benefit support towards rent. So you may have to share 10 to a room.
  10. If you are disabled in any way, be aware that you will need to be examined by government contractors repeatedly to make sure that you are fit for work.
  11. Rail transport is the most expensive in Europe. So it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to visit friends or relatives in other parts of the country. London’s Tube network is overcrowded and is also very expensive. So bring your horse.
  12. Most of our politicians say very much the same thing about building a “responsible capitalism”. So if you are looking for a place where democracy works, Britain isn’t the place.
  13. Britain’s banks don’t really function any more. They are also prone to selling you things you don’t need. So if you’re looking for a loan, you will be out of luck.
  14. Pay-day loans are, however, available. Interest rates are often more than 100% so be prepared to sell your body to pay back the lenders.
  15. There is a long waiting list for food banks which provide basic necessities for hard-up families. So don’t come thinking you can get help in this way.
  16. Many parts of the country are regularly under water as a result of extreme and unpredictable weather. It’s probably better where you are.
  17. Sporting and cultural events are prohibitively expensive for most people. It would be cheaper to stay home and watch the football in Bulgaria or Romania.
  18. The present government is getting tough on immigration, even if you are legally entitled to be here. You could find yourselves in the political spotlight as politicians look for someone to blame for the economic crisis.

UK governmentSo HM Government’s advice to you is to put off your trip to Britain until better times arrive. We’ll be in touch. It could be some time before you hear from us.

Prime Minister David Cameron
Home Secretary Theresa May on behalf of HMG
29 January 2013

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