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Government in shock move to slash emissions

In a shock move today, New Labour promised not only to make a commitment to significant reductions in greenhouse gas emissions a central plank of their election campaign but also to withdraw subsidies and tax breaks from fossil fuel corporations and transfer them instead to developing renewables.

“It’s a no-brainer,” said energy and climate change minister Ed Miliband. “The planet is under threat – people are facing actual death as a result of climate change, human society will not be able to survive the disruption and misery – what else can we do but act, and act now.”

Miliband promised to make Britain an example for the world, including working for a new climate change agreement that focused on justice not only between countries, but within them as well. He admitted that the “energy” part of his brief had for too long relied on the fossil fuel, nuclear and power marketing corporations to deliver the reliable and sustainable supply people need.

“It hasn’t worked, though, has it? They have taken the profits and failed even to build enough storage for gas to get us through a cold winter. They don’t care if the price goes up – they just pass it on to the consumer. The time has come to take things into our own hands.”

As well as promising to take the energy generation and supply industry back into public ownership in short order, Miliband announced support for a new generation of local energy initiatives including:

Commenting on the proposals Conservative shadow environment secretary Peter Ainsworth said: “Nationalisation? That’s a bit old hat isn’t it? We’re going to put the energy corporations into the hands of the workers, and establish energy trusts where consumers and suppliers can work together to create a sustainable energy future.”

As he spoke, Miliband was seen to be holding a small, buff-coloured book. When asked what he was reading, he told reporters: “The most revolutionary concept of a sustainable future I’ve ever read. Trust me, you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Penny Cole
Environment editor
1 April 2010 [April Fool's Day]

Davie says:

The great public has not been offered a choice, we will pay more and more for energy, because the energy source the government backs is ineffiencent.is the dearest source of power generation, isnt reliable, and will not supply power when we need it. They will take money from more efficient power sources, tax them to the limit (which means taxing us for using them) and give that money to the inefficient sources of power. They are building an energy system which is already inbuilt to fail, to cause power cuts, and to be so expensive thousands and possibly tens of thousands will die as a result of cold.

They will turn double summersaults rather than accept clean coal technology and a return to native coal and British mining. Instead they will fund hugely unpopular and grossly expensive nuclear power, imposed on the nation. They will go for mass coast to coast wind turbine estates which can never be cost effective,and provide the dearest source of power and in visual environmental terms the most destructive. They will continue to allow gas to be burned in power stations, when on a world scale it is a premium domestic product, not a mass power station fuel.

They intend to nail manufacture to the floor and continue its decimation. They intend to ensure any power we do have isnt in the hands or under the control of unions and workers particularly militant and political ones like the miners. They intend to continue the sole reliance of the economy upon the bankers and speculators and export all real production abroad where workers can be more easily exploited, and killed without any challenege to the ruling class anywhere yet on the foreseeable agenda.

This is New Labour, same as old Tories, the LIBDEMs are exactly the same , they are all thoroughly anti working class, anti union and anti socialist. Anybody who votes for any one of the bastards is asking to please allow them all to kick us in the teeth. Dont just hang onto your vote, hang the bastards from Westminster Bridge.


Mike says:

i am overjoyed for new labour at last we have socialist NEW LABOUR; HANG ON TO YOUR VOTE


Ollo says:

I am so pleased to hear this change of heart...I had almost abandoned any faith I once had in the people's party. Now I am totally won back.


Tim says:

I can hear the celebrations of the Snowball community in Hell from here, and a squadron of Flying Pigs are pulling death-defying aerobatic stunts above me. Hip-hip-hooray!


Fiona says:

Oh ye of little faith in New Labour, now is the time to sing their praises and stop all this whining and complaining. It was obvious all along that they would come up trumps in the end and do the right thing. Admittedly they played their socialist cards close to their chests, but I always knew it was a bluff, they were just waiting for the right time to begin the revolution. Like Mick I'm glad I too kept the faith!


Mick says:

I always had faith that New Labour would save us in the end. I'm overjoyed and nearly weeping.


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